A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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