Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We left the knife in your bed.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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