I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
