Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
