Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize