My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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