The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
