Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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