IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
