found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
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i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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