Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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