i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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