Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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