If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
