I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
