The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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