ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
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"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
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What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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