you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
