i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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