We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
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This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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