do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
