The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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