so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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