watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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