Where did you get a picture of my penis
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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