My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
