Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
