i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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