I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
