i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
