I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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