y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
