i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
