it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
