Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
