If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
