Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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