guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
