I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
