I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
