No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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