11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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