I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
