You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
