Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
