just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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