We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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