They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
