and you said cock pushups were impossible
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
