3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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