Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dicks are not precious.
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