The maid of honor just puked.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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