The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I believe in your delicious
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
