I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
