I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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