and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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