There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
