I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
