In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
