Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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