Buhtt sex?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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