my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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