exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
