If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Come share oat with me in your robe
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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