i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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