my mouth tastes like poor choices
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
