The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
