This is not my ceiling
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
