Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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