Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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