It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You can't motorboat a personality
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
