Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
