I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
