woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize