what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
