tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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