i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
