whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Someone shattered a urinal.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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