She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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